Am I a bad parent? Because I sure feel like one.
Today – or right now as I type this post if you want me to be accurate; I should have taken my son to his weekly “kindergym” session. But I decided at the eleventh hour not to take him. Once or twice I have done it as a form of punishment for his bad behaviour, even though this is no fault of his own. He does not understand yet what actions he is taking, and he is a long way away from understanding that there is punishment for poor behaviour. No, today I did not take him because of one major factor that my son is unable to respond to. Structure.
Normally at our Kindergym sessions, we have one hour sessions – we are in a large room with lots of fun things for kids to play with and on, and in. There is about 5 minutes at both the beginning and at the end of each session – where we all go into another room and stand in a big circle and sing a different song each week, and play with a big piece of fabric also in the shape of a circle, and sing a song to, as they walk around the room holding the fabric. It’s a fun way where all the children interact with one another, before going off and having independent play.
The thing is, my son is unable to join this part of the session, and we sit out. We either step to one side and watch, or play in the main room. Today is the last day of term, and the session is going to be Easter themed. The Easter Bunny is going to visit – and hand out presents to all the boys and girls. Knowing full well that this week is going to be very structured, and that this is something that my son is not going to be able to do – I made the choice to not go this week.
Does that make me a bad parent? I feel so guilty all the time by not even going to things, or taking my child to things like this, because I know in my heart of hearts, he just doesn’t understand yet. It fills me with such guilt, but at the same time I feel the sense of relief that I don’t have to continually say “sorry he does not understand”.
I wonder how the rest of you out there feel. Is this a common feeling? Am I a bad parent? I sure feel like one.
One day I hope my son will be able to include himself in playing with other children in a purposeful way. Until then, we will play the way he wants, when he wants.
Thanks for reading.