Making Friends After 30

Originally Posted 1st June 2018

Later this year I turn 35. While this is not a milestone number, it is in fact the age of being ‘closer to 40 than 30’. A crazy notion for me as I look in the mirror some days and don’t see that number. I certainly don’t feel that number – I’ll do a proper post on this a little later in the year.

The problem I’ve had for the last five years or so, and I’d assume it would be the same for everybody (or is it?), is finding friends after thirty. The last couple of years I’ve been really struggling with this topic.

Hand on heart, I have two good mates, who I could turn to for real world advice. When I have nowhere else to go, these are the two I go to. When I’ve had a fight with the Mrs, or need a bit of away time for a couple of hours without being a dad or husband, or more recently some advice what to do with a tricky situation (as mentioned in a previous post). The problem though is one of them lives over 2000km away, and the other has kids of his own. Finding time to catch up is hard enough for just my own life – making time within two busy schedules is harder. With the friend who lives far away we also need to accommodate for time difference. Recently we did a facetime and it was only just after 7pm for him, but past 10pm for me.

Another reason that I have thought long on is life history. After thirty most of us have achieved many milestones. Buying a house, getting married, having kids (while not necessarily in that order, it was that way for myself). Both these friends I spoke about earlier have known me for over ten years. Both were groomsmen, or Best Man at my wedding.  Trying to find someone new to 1) educate them on my own history, and 2) learn theirs is tricky.

Also, the older I get I’ve worked out people bother me a lot more than I used to. I think in my early twenties and younger I didn’t notice the idiosyncrasies that people have that be off-putting. I’m sure I even have my own.

I thought that since going part time I might meet more men in the same boat as I am – however almost everyone I’ve met at either kindy – or swimming – or more recently “kindygym” have been women. And the very few that are men are years older than I am, and are. While not age discriminating, it’s difficult to find a bond with someone you hardly know, with such an age gap.

Recently I left a large Australian retail company I was at for nearly 15 years. The last five or so I was a manager in one of the group of companies that it owns. I had quite a few friends who were fellow managers at other branches, who in downtime I would call to see how they were going. These phone calls were brief at times, but I was able to have them a few times a week. Once I left the business, these phone calls stopped. I would continue to send the occasional text, but what was once frequent communication, now had become a minor – if almost absent part of my life. I’ve been making contact again with a few of them, and have even had a couple of drinks nights out. Something that I rarely do anymore, but must try and find time to do so. For sanity’s sake if anything!

Do other people find this is the case too? Drop me a line on my comments section.

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